and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
