If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize