So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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