I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
