i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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