my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How does it feel to date your dad?
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