dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
