i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
