I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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