I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
