Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
