i just wanna soil my oats bro
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
