96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
