He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Help. Why am I so naked?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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