i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
