I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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