Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
