I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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