at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
