:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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