Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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