I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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