I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
