No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
