All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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