I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
