think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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