i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
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I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
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How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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