There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
