apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
