Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
