There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
