For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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