if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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