So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
