I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
