It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
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Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
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I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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