I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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