Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
is wine microwaveable?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
