So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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