hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
