Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
