I am in a vortex of obligation.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
