Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
