i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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