and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
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why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
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That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name