I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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