i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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