I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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