She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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