How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
