i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
