Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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