I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
