Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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