"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
