shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
