can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
