eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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