He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
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all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he quoted the bible to break up with me
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
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I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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