I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
this hospital has no fireball
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
